TORONTO, ON - January is a month when positive life-changes are in the air and yet, it can also become the latest theater in the war of the sexes? Tokii explores the subject of Resolutions!
Are people really going to give up their credit cards? How sexually adventurous will couples be in the coming year? While matters of health, wealth and the economy were not surprisingly at the forefront, Tokii's compilation of data from multiple DiscoveryGames* uncovered some very interesting gems on a variety of topics.
New Year's Resolutions:
So which of the sexes is the more active resolution-maker?
- 67% of women will make a New Year’s resolution, while men don’t trail too far behind, at 55%.
- 80% of men have failed at keeping their resolutions because they “gave up too easily.”
Tokii Takeaway: Seems like both sexes have good intentions, but lose steam as they roll through the calendar. Research shows couples that make resolutions are more likely to stick with them if their partner does. So keep cheering each other on! Perhaps you could post Resolutions as visual reminders to you both!
Sex is acknowledged as one of the most effective and cheap ways to release stress, burn calories, bring a couple closer together and cure a crippling champagne hangover, which may explain why both men and women are feeling friskier than ever...suggesting that a chilly winter and glacial economy don't have to equate to frigidity in the bedroom.
- 62% of men and 38% of women would be comfortable introducing their partner to a new sexual position once a month...
- 58% of men and 69% of women reveal that they would be open to introducing a new sex-toy to their intimate life.
- 51% of men and 32% of women want to learn a new sexual position every week for a year.
- 78% of men and 59% of women approve of alternating two date nights a month - one intimate and sensual and the other all-out raunchy.
Tokii Takeaway: So, the net is that couples want to get busier in the bedroom and women are open to experiencing with variety by adding a toy into the mix. When two people are in love they are more open to explore new things with their partner because they feel safe with them. They also want to demonstrate how they feel by sharing experiences together. These private, secret experiences may make you feel some vulnerability but at least you’re vulnerable together.
Not sure how to kick-off the conversation about it? Share these stats and ask your partner how they feel about it. Discuss what variety means to each of you. Talk about what’s thrilling and what feels uncomfortable. Establish ground rules and signals to help guide you both once you’re into the experience.
The credit crunch continues, and even with those credit card bills looming ominously on the horizon, austerity measures aren’t a popular coping mechanism.
- 50% of males plan to use credit the same manner as last year, as compared to 25% of women.
- 50% of women resolved to spend more cash and less credit, while 25% resolved to use cash only or stop spending.
Tokii Takeaway: Maybe women need to own the finances for 2012. With a difference like this among the genders, it’s a good idea to map out your budget and agree to the sources in advance of spending. Talk is cheap but debt is not.
A little discipline and self-restrained in other areas fared better, though.
- 60% of men and 62% of women would cut out sweets & alcohol consumption during the week.
- 50% of men and 43% of women have had the most success with keeping resolutions related to eating healthily...
Tokii Takeaway: This kind of commitment suggests couples will come out strong on their healthy resolutions, but resolutions are usually abandoned after two weeks. Pushing past that hump requires a solid plan before the resolution clock starts ticking.
Talk with each other about why a resolution is important to you. Share with each other when you feel the most vulnerable to abandon it. Consider how your respective strengths can get each other through the tough parts. Ask each other for help when you need it. It’s not easy to show your weaknesses, warts and all, but here’s the secret…they already know and likely aren’t too concerned because, well, they’re still with you. ;-)
Spending on health-related New Year's resolutions was split down gender lines:
- 67% of women would spend more money on organic shopping, with only 17% of men saying they'd do so
- 33% of men would increase spending on a personal trainer or gym membership, as compared to no women.
- 33% of men would increase spending on vitamins, as compared to only 17% of men saying they'd do so. Men Versus Men?? One has to read female??
- 17% of both men and women would increase their spending on spa treatments.
Tokii Takeaway: It appears both genders want to be healthier but have different ideas on how to get there. In the spirit of promoting togetherness while getting healthier, make trade-offs so you both get what you need. Perhaps one night after work you both go to the gym and then another night you make a healthy meal together at home.
You each have your tried and true methods that you live by. While it might feel a little uncomfortable to try something different, stretch outside of your comfort zone by trying some things your partner swears works for them. We strive for constant improvement at work by observing and exchanging ideas and trying new things with co-workers we trust and respect. Why not do the same at home with each other?
In the When Goals Collide DiscoveryGame, created by psychologist Dr. Laurence Hunt, Tokii uncovered some unsettling and sobering responses about New Years' resolutions: for many; namely that the entire process is dominated by suspicions of sabotage and mistrust...
- 35% of men and 14% of women have never thought of the impact of their resolution on their partner.
- 38% of men and 37% of women answered that they thought their partner expressly sabotaged their goals in the past.
- 31% of men and 16% of women believe they could be creating conflict in order to provide an excuse for not completing a goal, while 38% of men and 47% of women believe that it's at least something to think about.
Tokii Takeaway: These statistics seem to demonstrate that for one reason or another, both men and women, do not view resolutions as a path to real change. Instead, they select, poorly thought out “wishes” and then permit life, their partner, even themselves to put up small resistances to the goal, thus allowing it to slip off their radar. When it is out of their mind, they can relax, feeling no stress, and return to their comfort zone.
Behaviour that we're socialized to think of as beneficial and healthy can often have unintended consequences in the context of an uncommunicative relationship. Studies have shown that an addiction to jogging on the part of a married marathon runner can have a negative, very direct impact on the emotional health of their spouses and their relationship, by neglecting family responsibilities and prioritizing personal achievement over relationships. In much the same way, if New Year's resolutions are not placed within the proper context and discussed beforehand, they can become instigators of conflict.
Thankfully, there's hope, and it appears to lie in the diplomatic art of compromise, a method that Tokii users answered as being potent conflict-killers.
- 38% of men and 17% of women thought a trade-off might work, while 38% of men and 33% of women agreed that trading off as a method for resolving conflict.
Tokii Takeaway: It's often reported and commented upon that January is the month with the highest amount of divorce-filings. Forcing through New Year's resolutions without an honest and heart-felt discussion with your partner about goals, your relationship's focus and realities could be the impetus for a final break.
Have resolutions caused unwanted friction in your relationship? Every New Year brings new challenges and old hang-ups: resolutions are a way, and a revealing way at that, to deal with what lies ahead.
* All responses and survey data were pulled from the Sexy New Year’s Resolutions, When Goals Collide, Resolutions & Health, New Year’s Resolutions and Financial Resolutions DiscoveryGames on Friday, December 30, 2011.