Many popular country music songs imply that the only suitable ways to get over a broken heart caused by an extramarital affair are (a) taking a baseball bat to his truck, (b) drowning one’s sorrows through drinking, or (c) kicking him or her to the curb and never looking back… But in spite of these cynical views, it really is possible to move past an affair without violence, booze or throwing the relationship out the window. Learn more about moving on after an affair and how to start putting the pieces of the relationship back together – as well as why both partners should be tested after an extra-marital affair occurs to maintain their reproductive health.
Is there hope after an affair?
While it is true that infidelity does often result in an end to a relationship, many couples are able to work through an affair, either on their own or with the help of a Marriage and Family Therapist. Unfortunately, with all the hurt feelings and hostility, couples may have difficulty having productive conversations on their own and turn to fighting instead. Due to the intense emotions and pain an affair brings up, it is highly recommended that couples working through this issue seek the help of a therapist, as he or she can help to create a safe environment in which to explore these issues. A therapist can help teach effective communication techniques, restore trust, and validate the feelings of both partners while getting to the root cause of the affair.
Keys to moving on
1. Reestablishing trust: The feelings of deep betrayal, combined with wondering if one can ever trust one’s partner again, are some of the most difficult issues to work through. It will likely take a lot of time and healing before the betrayed partner can learn to trust their mate again.
2. Establishing open, honest communication: Effective, honest communication will be key to establishing trust, as partners need to learn how to speak to each other, and more importantly, listen to each other in order to get past the cheating behavior.
3. Zero contact with the “other” person: The partner who was the cheater must cut off all communication and interaction with the other person in the affair. Not only can continued contact cause feelings to reemerge, leading to a possibility of restarting the affair, it will be impossible for the betrayed partner to trust that nothing is going on.
4. Be honest, but respectful: Often times the betrayed person needs to hear about the affair in order to establish closure. The betrayer needs to be honest – don’t say it happened one time if it was going on for months. If it comes out that more lies were used to cover up the details, all trust is lost. At the same time, nothing but hurt can be gained from hashing over all the gory details. Whether one is the cheater or was cheated on, just know that nothing but hurt can be gained from finding out that the cheaters once had relations 7 times in one night, which positions they favored, and how good it was, etc. etc.
Maintaining Reproductive health
Whether it was a one-time thing, or it went on for months, now that the cat is out of the bag, both partners should be tested for partner-transmitted infections. Any time a person engages in intimacy with a new partner, it is wise for both partners to be tested prior to becoming active. However, if this hasn’t taken place, it needs to happen now. Not only will this help restore trust; it will give the partner who was betrayed peace of mind. Remember, even if a person is not symptomatic, he or she may still be infected and able to pass along infections to any and all intimate partners. For men, in particular, getting checked out can ensure that the male organ is healthy and free of infection. To further improve the health of the male organ, a man can also use a daily male organ vitamin cream (health professionals recommend Man 1 Man Oil) which contains nutrients to keep the male organ healthy and functioning at its highest capacity.
For additional information on most common male organ health issues, tips on improving male organ sensitivity, and what to do to maintain a healthy male organ, visit: http://www.man1health.com. John Dugan is a professional writer who specializes in men's health issues and is an ongoing contributing writer to numerous online web sites.