Woman in Love With Older Man Who Has Cold Feet

Dear Dr. Love:

I am dating a man who is 44 years old while I am 21. He is divorced and has two boys. One of which lives with him. I cannot have children due to health problems. I really enjoy being with and doing things with him. I have dated a lot and a lot of different kinds and he is the first one I have dated who meets all of the criteria for me. I fear though that the age difference is hard for him to deal with. He is scared that I will meet someone younger and want to be with them or something like that. I have tried to tell him though, I have dated younger men and they are (for the most part) immature and do not want long lasting relationships. The age difference does not matter to me. Should I pursue this relationship any further. Do you know of any relationships that have worked when there is such a big age difference.


You asked me if you should pursue this relationship. You really need to ask your lover this question. (Should I feel like giving up on us. Is that what you want me to feel?). In answer to your other question, yes, a relationship with a large age difference can work out fine, provided the couple is compatible.

Let's backtrack a second and make sure that your lover isn't using this age issue as a smoke screen for another issue. In other words, would he be frightened of commitment if you were his age? Would he be afraid of your leaving him for another man if you were his age? I would ask him these questions and see if he can discover whether he actually suffers from a fear of abandonment. I would also ask him to be more specific about why he thinks the age difference could result in your leaving him one day. Make him talk openly. Is he afraid that he wouldn't be able to perform sexually and that you would be forced to seek satisfaction elsewhere?

Find out what other fears he has and talk them through. This should help

Dr. Jamie Turndorf ( aka Dr. Love)