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Dr. Love,

My girlfriend broke up with me over a year and half but now our break up was really bad.  I blame my self for some of the problems we had before she broke up with me. But now after one and half years I tried contacting her by calling and she refused to answer.  Instead she sms me, asking if I miss her or do I wanted to play with her. I replied and said I do miss her, but I am not playing with her. She said she will never forgive or forget what I did to her. She was using words like this ( you fucked me up, you should fuck of, don't miss me and don't call me). What should I do, I want to make things right and for her to forgive me for what I did to her.

Signed by: 


Confused

Answer: 


Wow. What impresses me about your question is your determination to make things right for her. This tells me what a good person you are. You truly deserve a chance to put things right.

The problem is this girl is really furious with you. I always say that anger is never the primary emotion. Anger conceals the more vulnerable emotions such as fear, hurt, sadness.

At first I had thought that she asked if you miss her because a part of her was hoping that you actually do miss her. But then the way she blasted you when you admitted to missing her, made me wonder if she only asked the question in order to bait you--to set you up for a beating.

When she beat you, she made reference to your having played with her. I’m assuming you know what she means.

If you want to make this right, then you need to take responsibility for what you did to her. To do this you would say: I know how much I wronged you by doing (fill in what you did). You can’t believe how much I want to make this right for you. I’m not asking you to forgive me or trust me. I just want the chance to be able to talk with you and have you tell me everything that I did wrong. Even though I can’t take back what I did, the least I can do is listen and hopefully help you heal from the pain I gave you. And I know you don’t owe me anything, but I would appreciate your feedback which will actually help me become a better person.  

When you do this you have to be entirely genuine. The words have to come from your heart. If she senses that you’re only trying to worm your way back into a relationship with her, your communication will backfire.

If you are persistent and don’t give up, there’s a good chance that it will pay off. She will see that you are truly devoted and not out to play her.

If she doesn’t accept your offer, there’s nothing more you can do except learn from your mistakes and never play another woman again.

Dr. Jamie Turndorf (aka Dr. Love)