Secrets to Reaching Pleasure - Help for Guys Who Cannot Come with a Partner

For many people, self-pleasuring and intimacy go hand-in-hand.  They readily (and happily) engage in both acts as part of the full spectrum of the physical experience.  For others, intimacy and self-pleasuring are mutually exclusive; if one is having intimate relations with a partner, why the need to Self-pleasure?  While many people are lucky enough to be able to get the job done no matter what route they take, there are a good number of men, and especially women, who can only experience release through one of these techniques.  People who struggle with this typically find that release can be reached during self-pleasuring, but not intimacy.  Individuals who fall into this category may find themselves frustrated with their intimate lives, and they may even withdraw from intimacy, which can lead to relationship problems. In the following sections, some solutions to this problem are offered, as well as tips on how a healthy male organ can keep one’s intimate life on the up-and-up.

Why does my partner come during self-pleasuring, but not intimacy?

That’s simple: they know exactly what they like!  Most people’s first intimate experiences are of the solo variety, not the partnered kind; this means they learn exactly how to pleasure themselves from the get-go. They often become experts in using the pace, pressure, and technique needed to reach come.  When switching to a partner relationship, things are not always so easy.  Though our partners may mean well, let’s be honest; they don’t always have the best technique.  Positions can be awkward and uncomfortable, and if each partner appreciates a different pace or pressure, they may not align perfectly, which means one person may consistently fall flat when it comes to the big O.

What are some ways to change our technique so both partners come?

  • Talk!  Unfortunately, for many couples, talking about intimate likes and dislikes falls under the category of embarrassing.  Men and women alike may also be afraid that if they critique their partners, they will be hurt or think they are bad lovers.  But the truth is, one can very much enjoy what is happening intimately, but still not reach release.  No one should be afraid to give suggestions and redirect one’s partner – especially if a little tweak in the routine can help one to get there more often.
  • Lay off the self-love for a bit.  Occasionally, individuals are so proficient at self-pleasuring that they come to rely on a certain technique that simply cannot be replicated during intimacy.  For instance, the rapid-fire fast and furious self-pleasuring a man performs on himself likely can’t be sustained by his partner.  Likewise, the strong buzz buzz of a female toy cannot be replicated by her partner -- no matter how good he is with his hands. If one comes to rely on a unique type of stimulation to reach come, it will be very difficult to come during partner intimacy, as the area is desensitized to this less intense type of stimulation.  The best way to solve this problem is to use those super-intense types of stimulation sparingly, so that one’s body can once again appreciate different, less-intense types of simulation.
  • Experiment!  That’s right, if at first one doesn’t succeed – try, try again!  Try different positions, techniques and even locations to try to spice up the love life; after all, variety is the spice of life!

Does the health of the male organ impact one’s intimate life?

Absolutely.  The male organ is a man’s love tool; if it isn’t healthy, how can the intimate life be healthy?  To keep the male organ healthy, a man should focus on improving and maintaining his overall health.  Circulation is key to a healthy response, so a man should stop smoking, minimize alcohol intake, exercise regularly, keep his weight in check and eat a balanced diet to keep the blood pumping down south. Using a daily male organ health cream (health professionals recommend Man 1 Man Oil) is also important to the health of the male organ. A male organ cream containing L-Arginine can help maintain and improve a man’s circulation to his love stick – keeping it in full blood supply for a healthier response.

For additional information on most common male organ health issues, tips on improving male organ sensitivity, and what to do to maintain a healthy male organ, visit: John Dugan is a professional writer who specializes in men's health issues and is an ongoing contributing writer to numerous online web sites.